Overcoming Unwanted thoughts!

"You don't have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you."

-Dan Millman

As I started writing this blog I've been pondering about what I'm going to speak through this blog today and how my words are going to Inspire you all. If you observe me closely I'm thinking before I'm doing something. It's my thoughts that turn into words and what you are reading right now is purely the collection of my thoughts. I'm writing this piece that is the reason I'm thinking about it, but if I'm doing something else my thoughts would differ. 

Usually, It happens with all of us. We think about what is necessary for the moment and we avoid what is unnecessary. But often due to stress, an unexpected change in the events and because of sudden melancholy, we get stuck at one thought or loss or an incident that happened to us. We relive those moments over and over again. And that loop forces us to think about the same thing irrespective of what we are doing. And without our knowledge we live in a spiral of thoughts. It's like we live in a maze and we don't know how to come out of it no matter how hard we try. But let me tell you something there's nothing that is impossible and hard. Anything can be possible and anything can be easy to achieve in this world if you have the right mindset. 

Yes, our thoughts play a major role in what we become and who we become. As humans we are designed to be in groups, live in groups and we are always together with our clan. But what makes us different from others is our thoughts. Because it's our thoughts that turn into words and the words turn into actions and our actions decide our place in this world. It is the thoughts and ideas that makes one person sucessful and the other person struggling. It is the thoughts and ideas that will decide whether a person is good or evil. 

There's a saying "If you want to know about someone's mind, listen to their words. If you want to know their heart, watch their actions." It's absolutely true when it comes to knowing someone's mind and heart. Our mind is a repository of trillions of thoughts throughout our life. Not every thought is good from that and not every thought is sane. It's a collection of good, bad, ugly, silly, crazy, kinky, angry thoughts. We get an average of 60,000 thoughts in a day. Some of those thoughts can be an advantage to take you on a successful path and some of them can destroy you. It depends on what you are CHOOSING.

Now you can ask me how we can choose thoughts. I have an answer for that. Imagine you went to a store to buy an outfit. Now you will try that outfit to see if that color suits your complexion, if the size fits you or if it comes within your budget. You will also check if that suits the occasion if you are going to a party, you will check if that suits your work if you are looking for a business casuals. You will check a thousand times before taking it if it is convenient when you move, when you pee, when you dance, when you run. And ofcourse you will walk a little to know if that dress suits on you. When you are satisfied with your choice you will come home. You will try it again in your room and praise yourself for looking so beautiful and maintaining that physique. You will even that your gym trainer for making you do extra pilates that morning. Then you will face time your friend or boyfriend or your squad to show them your new collection. Then you will do your skin care routine at night and you will go to bed happily with a smile on your face for having a great choice. 

Now I have a question for you, "when you are being selective about the dress you gonna wear for just a few hours in a day. Then why are you not being selective about the thoughts you are living in the whole day. If you are so carefully crafting your look, why are you not able to become selective of your thoughts?" If the dress can make you beautiful, so do your thoughts. My intention behind giving that example is to make you guys understand how important it is to guard our thoughts. Because when we don't know how to filter those thoughts into positive and negative from those 60,000 thoughts, it all gets messy in the head. Now out of hundreds of outfits you chose what is best for you, in the same way you have to choose the thoughts that are best for you. 

One cannot be positive their whole life. Sometimes few things affects your way of thinking. It can be the surroundings that you are born and raised in, it can be your friends, colleagues, neighbours, bad breakup, betrayal from loved ones so on. But what you see is what shapes your thoughts. What you know is what makes you. And it is important for you to know more about yourself. You have to become your best friend. You have to assess your thoughts. You have to do the self check everyday to see if you are doing the right thing. You have to think ten times before you speak and hundred times before taking an action. You have to train your mind in a way that no matter what happens infront of you you have to always be positive and don't let your emotions weigh you down. 

Positive attitude doesn't come overnight. One doesn't born with it. It is something you learn with each passing day. You have to nurture your thoughts and water them everyday so that you can have a happy mind and happy thoughts, not the other way around. When you spend your time on a thought for more than 5 mins that is okay. But when you spend time on it for more than 5 hours, you should be little concerned about it. But if you spend 24 hours on a thought or more than a week then you need help. When you repeatedly think about something that will lead to trauma and confusion and it will lead to mental illness. When something happened and you want to talk about it, just go to someone you trust and talk it out or at least journal it the same day before going to bed. Whatever it is tormenting you, bothering you, you should find a fix for it. You have to let it all out. You will find peace only when you accept it or deny it, not while you stuck in between.

Let's take an example of a bad breakup. Now the girl/guy broke your heart. You felt bad about it. I get it that you lost your love and you are emotional about it. You will cry for a week or for a month. But how long are you gonna be in that sad zone. One day or the other you have to address that pain. You have to sit with yourself and talk to your heart. You have to tell your heart someday that it just didn't workout between you two and it is nobody's fault. You shared some good moments with that person, you once loved that person, so you just have to cherish those memories and let go that person and move on. But instead of doing it you are letting the ebb and flow of your emotions control your life. You got attached to that person and so you want to feel that love everyday. But when you think logically, you will know why you are not with that person anymore. Then you will know the truth. 

Always ask 'WHY' to yourself before you cry over something. For the above question the answer is simple, you are not with that person because he/she is not right for you. Now all you have to do is accept it. But your mind is stubborn just like your heart and instead of thinking what to do next you will think about why it didn't workout. You live in a denial and depression for months and years drinking away, sleeping away, smoking away and waiting for the closure. You don't need a closure to know that the person is not good for you. You just know it in your bones the moment that person decided to leave you, but you are not ready to accept it. It's not just a heartbreak where you get stuck. There are many aspects. You know porn is not good for you, but still you watch it for the first time out of curiousity, you liked it the first time and you started watching it for hours but you got addicted to it. Just like how you get addicted to smoking, alcohol and sex. You know it's not good for you, but you couldn't stay away from it, you don't know how to ignore it. That's why you gave the power to those addictions to control your personal life, professional life, social life and financial life. Can you believe it. Just because you followed a thought for the first time instead of avoiding it you started destroying yourself. There's no one involved in this fiasco, it is just you all along.

It doesn't matter if you are nestling in a concrete jungle or in a serene and eco friendly village. If your thoughts and your emotions control you, you are nothing. You just have to ask your self before selecting a thought " DO I NEED THIS?" Yes, ask yourself before going for smoke, before taking a peg and before getting intimate with someone. Ask "WHAT IS THE OUTCOME OF THIS?" Now since we are talking about unwanted thoughts I'm talking about how unwanted thoughts can turn into unwanted habits and how those unwanted habits can destroy your life completely. 

When you get those thoughts just divert your mind. Now you want to smoke very badly, but you don't want to do it. So you have to divert that thought first to get rid of that habit. So whenever you get a thought of doing unwanted things, just do this. Not exactly this. But anything that can divert your mind. Think about the other things that are there infront of you. Look out from your window, you might see a tree or a busy road or skyscrapers. Now think about the tree for a few minutes. Someone sow a seed there and watered it everyday. It grew along with the time and started giving shade to many. Now think about it's branches and roots. You can know how old the tree is by it's roots. Now move to the birds, think about how many birds are living on that tree. How they migrated from place to place. You can even count the birds. Then you think about how people are chopping down the trees for road expansion, paper and furniture. Then think about how much paper you are wasting daily. Now it's been more than 5 minutes. You wanted to go for a smoke, but you diverted your mind and thinking about something else. So you forgot about smoking and you are thinking about something else. That's how you avoid unwanted thoughts. If you can practice it everytime you get bad thoughts, you can overcome them very easily. The purpose of this blog is to tell you that you don't have to control your thoughts to always be good. Too much control can be harmful sometimes. So instead divert your mind and overcome unwanted thoughts and fill the void with some happiness. There's a difference between control and overcoming. 

People often give up their lives due to many reasons. But they never think about fighting back and about the people they leave behind. Out of rage, out of grief they take extreme steps where there is no turning back or undoing the things. They even take their lives. But whenever you get that thought, when you are on the verge of harming yourself, just talk to someone, take professional help, divert your mind from it and do the things you love, list out all the good things that happened in your life, count your blessings, just remember how many people love you. This will stop you from going to extreme lengths. Life can be hard sometimes, but you cannot give up. You need to think about the purpose of your life. If your are strong minded you will pull yourself out of the darkness. Mostly it is the unwanted thoughts that leads to sad endings. But if you can differentiate between your thoughts, if you know what is positive and negative. If you know what is a good thought and a bad thought. If you know what is necessary and what is not. Then life will be a piece of cake for you. 

All I want to say is that no one has an exact road map to a happy and fulfilled life. You just have to learn it with each step. You have to be careful and know where you are keeping your foot. It all happens in your mind. If you can keep your mind happy, you can have a happy life. Happiness doesn't come easily. You have to work hard for it. You have to keep an effort everyday. If you want a happy mind, do meditation, talk to people, read a book, go out with friends, spend time with people you love, do game night, PJ parties, movie nights, go for dinners or if you know cooking just become a chef for a day. In short do everything that you love, do everything that you are passionate about. Just don't let that loneliness and unwanted thoughts dim your light. Instead be focused, and grounded. Don't let anyone and anything get into your head. Be aware of what you are thinking and what you are doing and over everything else be in present and shine bright. And always remember don't let your thoughts control you. Hope this helps you!

Love and Light,

©Author Queeny Yalangi.