Aftermath of heartbreak!

"I think the biggest disease the world suffers from in this day and age is the disease of people feeling unloved." - Princess Diana. 

If one asks me what is love?  I would say love is hope, love is kind, love is patient, it is magical, It is mysterious and It brings people and their stories together. Some people fall in love at first sight, while some wait their whole lives to meet their soulmates. The moment when someone swipes right into your heart, that's the moment your world will change forever. 

I always believe that love is everywhere around us and it is what keeps us going. It's in every corner of the world, in every end of the dream. Without love, the earth wouldn't be this beautiful. If there wasn't love probably there would be wars, there would be so much hatred in this world and maybe people would be killing each other. When love is so rare and precious in this world everyone wants to keep a piece of it with them, but love is so wild that it will only stay with a few for a little period. Though it's invisible, one who is in love will always find it in warm cuddles, morning coffees, sweet kisses, never-ending promises, deep conversations, exchanging gifts, bike rides, long drives and candlelight dinners. 

But do you think that love will always remain the same? When you both keep your efforts in your relationship, when you nurture it every day love will be alive. But when you stop making efforts, that's when love disappears from your relationship or marriage. You have to then accept the truth that sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you both want different things and sometimes you are not good for each other. Sometimes it ends on a good note and sometimes it leaves scars on your heart and mind for the rest of your life. When you both no longer feel that connection,  when you and your partner don't want to continue the relationship. You can end it, but do it with utmost respect and care towards your partner. It's very important to guard the other person's feelings just like how you take care of yourself. The mundane heart is so fragile. If you teach it how to love it will love. If you teach it how to hate, it hates. If you train it how to forget, it forgets. If you loved a person once, then how can you hurt him/her now? If it was true love, then why do you hurt them? And if you are hurting your partner now, then that means you never loved them. You just thought that there was love, you probably had an attraction, that adrenaline rush, maybe not the actual love towards that person. But If you had loved them truly then how can you leave them in terrible pain? If you want a breakup just tell them. Be a brave and mature heart. Sit and talk it out with them. It doesn't always have to end up bitterly. 

Unfortunately, we live in a world where people replace each other very easily and end up breaking someone's heart. Heartbreak is of many types. Some try to ease your pain show mercy on you and break up with you through text messages. Some take you out for some fancy dinner to break the Ice. Some leave unannounced. While some start abusing you just so you can leave them. Yes, this is been happening to almost everyone. Yet only a few speak about it. This type of breakup happens when one person doesn't want to be in a relationship and the other one wants to continue the relationship. When one tries to break it and the other person wants to save it. That's when the real trauma starts. Your partner starts saying mean things to you and will never leave a chance to make you feel low and unworthy. He/she starts comparing you with other people which makes your life miserable. They list out your flaws. They say they don't like your hair and nails, they don't like the way you smell,  they don't like the way you dress, the food you cook is terrible, they won't hug you anymore, they won't enjoy your company. They start yelling at you for everything without any reason. When a person is angry they blurt out nasty things to you. They say that you are a mean person, you are not good in bed, you are not settled enough and you cannot provide the life they wanted and they don't see any future with you and they do certain things only to hurt you and they start affairs so that you can leave them. In simple words, the very things that attracted them once in you will no longer attract them now. After a lot of fights, cries and resentments you will finally decide to put an end to that strained relationship.

However such breakups have a greater impact on people emotionally and psychologically. They start having self-doubts, they will lose their self-esteem and they don't love themselves anymore In the process of dealing with that heartbreak they become exactly like the person who abused them. Yes, If you have been in a relationship with someone for a while and If you are emotionally and physically attached to that person at times you start doing everything like them. And when they reject you or leave unannounced, or when they give a silent treatment to you, or ghost you and hurt you badly they start living rent-free in your mind. You will try to change everything they pointed out. This phase of denial and acceptance is very crucial. It can turn you into a good person or can make you into something evil. 

Now when you don't know the reason why they want a breakup or divorce with you that will hurt you. The first few weeks you might feel numb and might lock yourself in your room. But later you will pull yourself together and start living your life with your friends and family. But one day something reminds you of them, It may be the favourite movie you often watched together, or a place you visited mostly, or when you see the things that belonged to them or when you miss their smell or when you see them somewhere. It all comes back. It triggers you. And one question pops up in your mind instantly. We all must have asked ourselves that question at least once in our lives. 

"Why did he/she leave me? "

While trying to find the answer by drinking it away, eating it away, shopping it away,  yelling it away, breaking things and whatnot. You might keep yourself busy running away from that question. But it comes back to you every night when you come home after work, and you end up thinking, replaying those memories and looking at their pictures and stories from archives and feeling bad for not having them in your life, but they might be happy somewhere with someone living their best life while you are grieving for the person who doesn't care about you anymore. You have already lost a piece of yourself because of that past relationship and now you are on the verge of losing your present and future. You shouldn't let your pain control you anymore. If someone tells you that they don't love you, If someone doesn't want to be with you, If they don't want to have that relationship with you, you should let them go. Because when someone has already decided that they want to leave you, why do you want to keep them in your life? You might stop them now, but if a person has decided to leave you then they will leave you someday no matter who you are,  how good you are,  how much you earn and how good you treat them. Nothing can stop them from going away from you. 

I know it hurts a lot. But your life shouldn't stop for someone who doesn't love you anymore. You should feel happy that God has removed the wrong person from your life. You should try to come out of it. The aftermath of heartbreak is healing. But most of the youngsters are avoiding healing and feeling unloved because of their past relationships and living in depression. Now these broken people without leaving their past behind, without healing themselves, without taking any self-care and therapy are getting married to someone else. Now they are carrying that burden into their new relationships and they do all sorts of things to hurt their partners and some even ruin their marriages. 

I believe that every relationship has its time. If there is God's will in your relationship, If that relationship is there in your destiny then no one can break it. No one can take away something that is yours. It will always come back to you. But if there is no God's will then no matter how hard you try, how much you change your life, no matter how much you cry, that relationship will not stand longer. If someone has left you, It doesn't mean that you are not worthy,  It doesn't mean you are not loved,  It doesn't mean you are not beautiful and you don't have a great physique. It means they are not the right one for you. You are beautiful inside and out. You are very special and God loves you. And you don't deserve to go through the pain and emotional trauma because of someone who doesn't value you and respect you. If that relationship is asking you to change yourself completely, If that relationship doesn't accept you as you are, If that relationship is taking so much out of you, If there is no respect and equality in that relationship then that's not love. Love never sees your flaws,  love never asks you for more. Love never asks you to change. Real love stays even when you don't have success, even when you are nothing,  even when you don't look good. We all should find such kind of true love instead of running after filtered faces and temporary people. Find a person who loves you hard, who loves you loud, who doesn't hesitate to hold your hand in public and who doesn't hesitate to introduce you to the world as their partner. Hope you all fall in love with beautiful hearts that mend the bruises of your broken hearts! 

Love and light, 

©Author Queeny Yalangi.