Overcoming loneliness and self-doubts!

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.” —Mother Teresa

People often feel lonely for various reasons. Sometimes when they are heartbroken, when they are abandoned, when they lose a relationship, when they don't have anyone to share their happiness with, when they don't have anyone to share their grief with, when they are afraid of something, and when they don't feel safe anymore, that's when they develop the feeling of being unloved, unwanted and unhappy and go distant from their family and friends. They don't interact with anyone and start being alone everywhere and carry that feeling with them every day, hiding it within the deep chambers of their heart. At times that feeling can be self-destructive and they might take extreme steps. 

We usually see some kids being distant and playing alone. They don't like it if someone touches their toys or books or when someone talks to them. Their parents think that their kid loves his/her own company and doesn't bother to find out why they want to be alone. It also happens with teenagers. A happy and fun-loving youngster suddenly becomes a stranger and doesn't come out of his/her room for days. Their parents think that it's because of puberty or exam stress they want to be alone and they don't bother to check on them. Even adults go through this problem when they experience severe trauma and loss or when they go through a breakup or financial problems they shut themselves down. We often see people at parks, restaurants and offices where they sit alone, eat alone and avoid being with anyone. The most important fact we ignore here is that people are detaching themselves from their friends, family and colleagues. Being alone, happy and enjoying their own company is different. But being alone, sad and lost is something serious. Often people get confused between the two and fail to recognize loneliness until it becomes incurable. 

One doesn't need to feel lonely when they are at home alone in their room. They can feel it even when they are in the crowd, when they are partying when they are shopping when they are travelling, when they are dancing, and when they are celebrating. It has nothing to do with the surroundings. Loneliness grows from within and it comes from within. 

We human beings are designed to be in groups not to be alone. We might be capable of doing things alone and want to be independent. But one cannot live their whole life alone. We depend on other people for something or the other in our day-to-day lives. Emotional dependency is one such thing that is key to a healthy and happy life. On average, we get 60,000 thoughts a day. Some of them can be good,  some of them can be bad. It applies the same to feelings too. What we feel at this moment can be good and it can be bad. And sometimes we fail to decide which one is good and bad for us. That's when we depend on people around us to decide what is best for us. It is a natural process. We go to the people, sit with them talk to them and share our emotions with them. It is called letting out emotions. Everyone does that. There is no need to feel embarrassed to talk about how you feel about something. I do that often with my friends and family. I share my happiness, my grief, my frustration, my problems, my relationships, and my pain with my friends and family members. They listen to me with patience and I know they won't judge me. I do the same If someone walks up to me and talks to me about their thoughts and feelings. I listen to them with patience and I won't judge them. Because I know that they will feel better if they share it with me.

The reason why I decided to talk about loneliness today is that people are suffering everywhere in the world feeling unloved. We don't live happily anymore, we don't share, we don't talk, we don't help, we don't trust, we don't believe anyone around us, and we don't invest in human relationships anymore. We just create communities on social media and live among likes and comments. We share our feelings through emojis and reels the whole day. But that is not life. We are not robots. We cannot work 8 hours a day without smiling when we look at the other person working next to us. We cannot live behind closed doors without talking to our neighbours who are living next door. Later we cannot go and complain that "Nobody loves me and nobody wants me." 

If you love someone,  they will love you back. If you give love,  you will get love. If you help someone, they will help you. If you ignore someone,  they will ignore you,  If you trust someone they will trust you back. Life is very easy,  but we make everything complicated by overthinking. And gradually we are losing human touch, and human bondings and mostly living virtual lives.  One can overcome loneliness only when you

• Start interacting with people 
• Be a part large or small friend circle
• Get out of bed and go out with friends.
• Be kind and compassionate towards others
• Do the community service
• Talk to someone about your feelings
• Maintain a daily routine
• Talking to people at least for an hour should be a part of your daily routine. 
• Call people instead of texting them. Sometimes hearing the voice of a known person can be soothing. 
• Try to make yourself busy, sometimes being idle can also cause loneliness. 
• Start a new hobby. Like cooking or painting and show it to your people. 
• Do meditation. 
• Ask for help. There is no need to feel ashamed for asking for help. 

By doing the above things you can cure yourself from loneliness. Sometimes healing doesn't come from outside. It often comes from within. When you know you are not feeling good about something,  when you feel the burden in your head and chest, when you start feeling lonely and avoiding people,  don't wait for someone to come and help you. Start helping yourself, because you live with yourself 24/7. And no one knows your story better than you. No one can heal you when you are not ready to take the help. And no one can heal you when you don't heal yourself. 

A person with loneliness usually feel insecure about themselves and have self-doubts. It lowers their self-esteem and they believe that they are not enough. The feeling of not being enough can be stressful and it impacts their lives in many ways. Sometimes they can't even make small decisions without overthinking. But If you are overthinking and doubting your capabilities and constantly stressing over something unknown, then let me tell you something. Nobody is perfect in this world. Everyone has flaws. You don't always have to be a winner, you don't always have to come 1st in everything you do, and you don't always have to stand out in a room, you don't always have to be right, you don't always have to be perfect. Don't live in an illusion of perfection. There is no such thing as being perfect. Instead, think that it is okay to lose,  it is okay to get a second or third place or even a last place,  it is okay to be wrong sometimes,  it is okay to be unattractive, and it is okay to have a million flaws. But you have to be ready to embrace all those flaws. Pick up all those broken pieces of your heart and start all over again. That is what life is all about. We learn from our mistakes, our losses, and our imperfections. 

Next time when you feel lonely when you feel unloved, and when you feel unimportant. Remember that I'm here for you and I love all your scars and flaws. Try to overcome all your fears. Fight all your negative thoughts and try to be happy. If you are scared just know that I'm standing right next to you holding your hand while you fight back your loneliness. And when you come out of it, don't forget to help anyone who walks up to you with pain, loneliness and depression. Sit with them,  talk to them,  comfort them, because sometimes only your words can help someone and bring them out of the darkness. 

Love and light! 

©Author Queeny Yalangi